Since the time of the really infamous Falkenhorst event, that took place in Poland, I have didn't have the opportunity to participate in completely bad "maneuvers". As a matter of fact, all the events I have took part in had, a higher or lower, but still some kind of level of competence. It starts to get a bit boring, so I think that the following guide will be useful for anyone who wants to stand out of the crowd and prepare an event so bad that the trauma of the participants will last for years.
The problem is people think that there is nothing difficult in criticizing. That's not true! To create a bad plot/scenario you have to put a lot of effort. The willingness is not enough. A lot of talent, persistence, consistency, conviction about ones own infallibility, resistance to knowledge and economical management of the truth are just some of the traits that an otherwise capable organizer should have.
I hope that the guide below will help you a bit on this subject from the technical side if things and soon we will be able to admire a surge of unusually miserable airsoft events. Of course, we're talking about, let's call it, "mass" events. We will deal with mil-sims at another time.
How to make a bed event in SEVEN easy steps?
STEP 1: The players are there for you, not you for the players.
The list opens with an assumption that should always be the Supreme Principle for you. Remember this and repeat it every day - you have a plan. You have vision. You are infallible. It is to your exact requirements that people should adapt. If they dared to complain about something, it only means that they have not yet matured to the level that your work presents. If something does not work properly - players did not try hard enough. If they are not playing well - they definitely have a negative attitude and maliciously want to create black PR because they are simply jealous.
In general, there is no option that something went wrong - if it works as it does, it means that it is the way it supposed to be and others simply do not know it yet.
STEP 2: Increase the country's reading rate.
Experts have been alarming for a long time now that Poles read less and less each year. This cannot stand! Before the event, make a ton of documents, the knowledge of which will be essential (I emphasize - ESSENTIAL) to understand anything that is happening in the playing field. Several dozen-page of rules and regulations, annexes to regulations, detailed historical background of imaginary countries and non-existent wars, sophisticated procedures ... People love such things.
Remember that a man is an inquisitive creature - inform players about everything. Ideally, some points of the rules and regulations change from time to time and generally complicate the rules of such things as respawning or loading BBs into magazines. Create a complicated pattern for it or a strange multiplier with a few decimal places. In the "Real Military" you also have strange and incomprehensible procedures, so it will add realism to your event.
Oh, and do not try to expose the most necessary information too much (except the information about the account number, because without, it you can not get funds to make your event). Perceptiveness in airsoft is an indispensable thing and every opportunity for training it is most desirable.
STEP 3: Remember, the whole event should not obstruct your attention from minor details.
Partially connected to the point above.
Be very, very minute. Remember that such details as the color of the background on the website, the event logo, background photo on the fanpage, font page of the newsletter, names of parties of the conflict, or the names of the characters from the fictional background story are not tertiary stupidities, but the issues of life and death, where perfection is NECESSARY.
Nobody wants to participate in the yobbo event, which has an ugly logo, do they?
You do not have to pay attention to gameplay mechanics, but if you do something, do it overly well - remember to write down each action in detail, taking into account all possible circumstances and situations. Generally, complicate things as much as possible to reproduce the difficult, morally ambiguous reality of war as best as possible. Of course, check if the players know the basis of your procedures at random. Do not hesitate to publicly punish them, send them to the respawn area until they learn them or ban them from the game area entirely.
In general, such mundane, vile things as toilets, rubbish bins and providing washing water are not worthy of your attention. You were, after all, created for higher things. Anyway, in the "Real Military", shortages are also present, so what the whole fuss is about?
STEP 4: Be forgiving.
However, only for yourself.
After all, you are just a human being and everyone makes mistakes. And besides, everyone should be eternally grateful that you wanted to organize the event. They only came here to play and it was you who worked hard for months to make your vision come true.
Maybe without exaggerating about your hard work, but you did something, right?
It's not your fault that the promised vehicles did not arrive, and the event turned out to be just an ordinary "sunday game" everyone paid a lot of money for! "Real War" is not always colorful and intersting and you had many other important and secret duties.
If someone has a problem that he is sitting in the bushes from the beginning of the event and nothing is happening, let him sit, but quietly. During a "Real War", if he got an order, he would not be whining and he would even be glad he had nothing to do!
Punish players for breaking the rules without mercy! They must finally start to respect you and feel the "military drill" that they came here for, right? Someone went out of the game area? He is a cheater sabotaging your work! He goes home! Someone has a problem because there were no restrictions anywhere in the game area? There is a line on the map. You had to learn to read it. After all, it was in the 14th page of the rules and regulations each player had to print by himself. It was black and white and not very legible? Maybe he could have do it better and share it with others and not to complain about it now.
STEP 5: Promise, promise and once again promise.
The good old democratic principle says - "nobody will give you as much as I can promise you".
And nothing attracts participants like promises.
So promise. Promise vehicles. Promise food rations. Promise places in "Real Military" tents. Promise badges. Promise T-shirts. Promise a hot meal every day. Promise tactical training. Promise professional communication and chain of command. Promise a lot. It does not matter what you promise, if you promise as much as you can think of. You will worry about it later and preferably not at all.
Statistically, the more you promise, the more you can realize, right? If this is not enough, you can even implement all promises in a budget version. If necessary, defend yourself with some minor point placed in the rules and regulations. Nobody said that vehicles can not be cardboard dummies, food rations are two Chinese soups, CQB areas are corridors made of poles and canvas and professional communication will be based on the separation of PMR channels and placing a MEDEVAC procedure ripped straight from Wikipedia.
In addition, promises, declarations and suggestions do not have to be realized. Or do they? It does not matter. Most people do not know it either.
STEP 6: Be elussive.
Some lesser people may underestimate your dedication and may demand "explanations" (as if they had the right to any). They paid for the event, not explanations - remember that!
Therefore, you must master being elusive as a ninja. Show yourself in several places at the same time (i.e., if someone calls you and starts ranting about something, tell them that you are already at another meeting solving very burning issues there). Always be in a hurry. Keep in your ear to a Bluetooth headset or a radio (turned off) and in uncomfortable moments of a conversation, silence people with a gesture and pretend that someone gives you IMPORTANT INFORMATION, then say "OK, in 5 minutes!", go to your car and drive to the gas station after a hot dog.
Instruct your accomplices, if you have them, to tell the players that "the matter is not within your competence" and you will be at the staff meeting in an hour. You can also designate one of them as a scapegoat, which you can blame for the failure of the event.
However, if you are trapped, you can record the whole situation and respond to all accusations with a brazen smile and patronizing tone - "Gentlemen, what do you complain about? Everything is written in the rules and regulations that you accepted when making the payments. Others are having A GREAT TIME and you are the only ones that have complaints."
Of course, do not hesitate to give people a false name/surname. You can give anyone a different one. It will be fun.
STEP 7: Marketing solves it all.
Your priority should be to promotion of the event with all available means. It connects a bit with the point about promises, but not entirely.
Of course, someone will ask about these promises and you will have to answer them.
To this end, master the marketing use of euphemisms, sophisms and understatements. Dismiss the more detailed questions, or reply that more will be known "soon", that "you need to consult the team", or that "this is a surprise that you will remember for years to come". Of course, do not go back to the subject any more.
Instead of "unfinished" say "constantly improved", instead of "we did not have any ideas" say "we left it to the players' invention", the playing area is not small, but "designed for continuous action", the maps are not "inaccurate", but "innovative", "we put emphasis on reconnaissance activities" etc. etc.
Remember that promises will not finance themselves and someone has to pay for them. Of course, not you. You are already investing your time in the event. So the best thing to do is to make the event expensive. In exclusive restaurants you get little food and pay a lot of money. You pay for "prestige", "intangible benefits" and "service". Apparently it works, so do the same.
Call, email, inform, post ... Make an impression that the preparations are in full swing, even if they have been standing still for months. To paraphrase a classic - if you snap your mouth about your event, you have to make shit shine. Ideally, you can also get a few sponsors and media patrons. It is extremely effective to create the so-called "Hype".
Summary
Organizing a premeditated pathetic event requires many sacrifices on your part. First of all, you must renounce your own dignity. Having a moral backbone as flexible as a garden hose helps.
Remember that your party is to resemble a meringue cake - nicely packaged but empty on the inside, bringing nothing to the menu and causing nausea.
Do not forget about the scapegoat which will be blamed for the failure. It should be a young/gullible/moderately intelligent person (preferably all at once). You can even keep a blank card and organize a few terrible events in various places in your country.
And finally, my favorite idea - go to a bank, a doctor's office, a trade fair or wherever there are business cards with names of particular people. Give them to dissatisfied players, ask to contact them after the event and watch the world burn.
Do not forget to share with us your memories of the worst events you have been to, or about your ideas for organizing the worst event possible. We count on your creativity!
P.S.: And seriously - I hope that the above guide will be useful to more or less beginner organizers explaining, more or less, what you should LEARN TO AVOID. Just make events with the main idea of players having a great time. Remember that the best games and those that have SIMPLE RULE. And remember that people will come to your event seeking epic firefights and interesting memories, not for patches, t-shirts and other rubbish.
Photos come for an event called Combat Alert 8. As one can observe, they went the easy way. They have vehicles, a scenario, pyrotechnics and real military personnel.
